the blog

keep up with the latest

Connection: Why We Need It and Why It’s Difficult


Hello, Besties!  I’ve been thinking a lot about the ups and downs of life this week.  I’ve had some friends go through some difficult things.  I’ve also had some really fun and joyful times with friends and family.  In just one week, one of my dear friends from high school got married, a friend ended a relationship which has caused much heartache, another friend got some disappointing news about a job they were hoping for.  Another good friend shared with me some family drama that has troubled her of late, still another friend told me the amazing news that she is expecting, and ANOTHER friend just delivered a beautiful baby girl!
And that is in ONE week of life.  It’s one big crazy roller coaster, isn’t it?!
All this thinking about life and observing my friends and family experience ups and downs (not to mention my own), has made me particularly aware of just how much we need connection.  That may not be a novel idea, but I have seen so clearly in just one week how much we give and receive from others when we share life with them, and they with us.  We need each other.  Plain and simple.
Who are the people you can’t wait to share good news with? Who are the first people you share your burdens with? Who are the people you allow to see you at your absolute worst?  These are the people who you feel safe with, the ones you let in to all your mess ups and missteps, as well as your achievements and celebrations.  I hope you all have at least two or three (or maybe more!) people that immediately spring to mind.
Do you all follow Humans of New York on Facebook/Instagram? It is amazing how a random cameraman who is completely unknown to the person they are interviewing can get the most intimate information out of the subject, presumably within just a few minutes of meeting them, fully aware that their intimate stories will be posted online for millions of people to view.  Likewise, I have facilitated therapy groups in a rehab hospital where people who are in detox together for just a few days feel like they are as close as family.  Which begs the question: WHY?
Because whether we are a Human of New York or a patient in recovery or any other human on the planet, we want to be known.  We want to be seen.  We truly desire for others to know the real us.  Our struggles, our triumphs, our heart, our beliefs, our doubts, our circumstances, our purpose.  And though this is true of all of us, so many of us are absolutely petrified of letting people see the real us…the imperfect us.  So you can imagine the lengths one goes to in order to keep people safely at arms length.  Because we know how imperfect we truly are.  And God forbid anyone else should figure it out.
Well, friends, spoiler alert: we are all just as flawed as we can be.  Just big ol’ heaps of problems, progress, successes, stumbles, gladness and grief.  And the sooner we accept that about ourselves, the sooner we can feel freedom to just BE. To stop caring so much what other people think of us, because that is an exhausting waste of precious life.  And the sooner we recognize it about everyone else we know, the sooner we will stop comparing ourselves to them because we will recognize the destructive yet convincing lie that everyone else is doing life better.
Emilio Estevez said, “We are all wonderful, beautiful wrecks.  That’s what connects us – that we’re all broken, all beautifully imperfect.”
Gosh I love that.  We ARE all beautiful, beautiful wrecks doing the best we can every. single. day.  Let’s give ourselves and others the freedom to be wrecks.  Hot, hot messes even.  Let’s have compassion for ourselves and everyone we meet because we know life is a ridiculously unpredictable ride and we need to have people on it with us, squeezing our hand when we’re scared, or shrieking with joy when we are having the most fun ever.  Let’s seek to judge ourselves and others less because the world needs more people who will do that.  Our lives need more people who will do that.  And so do the lives of every Human of Wherever.

#mc_embed_signup{background:#fff; clear:left; font:14px Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; width:100%;}

/* Add your own MailChimp form style overrides in your site stylesheet or in this style block.

   We recommend moving this block and the preceding CSS link to the HEAD of your HTML file. */


Sign up for a FREE “Things I Want To Share With My Therapist” Worksheet:




  1. Shelrod22 says:

    So much truth! I once heard the one word we all long to hear is, our own name!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *