Foster parenting is  filled with moments of profound love and connection, but also days of intense emotional overwhelm. On those days, everything can feel a little heavier, and the pressures can seem insurmountable. But there are ways to manage the feelings of overwhelm and get through the hardest days with resilience and self-compassion. Here’s a guide on how to handle those tough moments and find ways to center yourself, so you can keep showing up for your kids and yourself.

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Understanding Overwhelm and Why It Happens

First, let’s recognize why feelings of overwhelm are so common in foster and adoptive parenting. As foster or adoptive moms, we often carry not just our own emotions but also the emotional and behavioral needs of our children, which can be complex due to their early experiences. This role also requires navigating external systems, such as social services, therapy, and education, which can feel daunting. Understanding that these feelings are a natural part of this journey is the first step toward managing them.

1. Start with Self-Compassion

When we’re overwhelmed, it’s easy to be hard on ourselves, feeling like we should be able to handle everything perfectly. But just as we show compassion to our kids, we need to extend that same kindness to ourselves. Self-compassion means recognizing that it’s okay to feel exhausted, frustrated, or overwhelmed. Instead of pushing these feelings aside, acknowledge them without judgment.

Practice: Try a simple self-compassion exercise by closing your eyes and placing a hand on your heart. Take a deep breath and repeat to yourself, “I’m doing the best I can. It’s okay to feel this way.” Remind yourself that being overwhelmed doesn’t mean you’re failing; it means you’re giving your all.

2. Take Small, Manageable Steps

Overwhelm often comes from a sense of having too much to do and not knowing where to start. On hard days, breaking things down into smaller steps can make a big difference.

How to Try It: Write down everything that’s weighing on you in a brain dump. This list could include anything from calling the social worker to handling a behavior issue. Then, choose just one or two small tasks that feel most manageable, even if it’s something as simple as making a phone call or setting out clothes for the next day. This approach helps to shift your focus from the overwhelming big picture to manageable, small victories.

3. Prioritize Self-Care, Even in Small Ways

As foster and adoptive moms, we often put everyone else’s needs before our own, but taking time for self-care is essential, especially when you’re feeling overwhelmed. It doesn’t have to be an elaborate routine; sometimes, it’s as simple as a five-minute break to breathe deeply or a few minutes of journaling.

Quick Self-Care Ideas:

• Take a 5-10 minute walk outside, if possible.
• Listen to a favorite song and let yourself fully enjoy it.
• Brew a cup of tea or coffee and savor it slowly.
• Try a simple breathing exercise: inhale for four counts, hold for four, and exhale for four.

Small self-care practices can help you reset your nervous system, making it easier to approach challenges with a calmer mind.

4. Reach Out for Support

One of the biggest myths in foster and adoptive parenting is that you have to handle everything on your own. But asking for help isn’t just okay; it’s essential. Reach out to people in your life who understand your unique journey or can offer support, whether it’s friends, family, or other foster/adoptive moms.

How to Do This: On hard days, consider reaching out to a friend or family member and simply sharing how you’re feeling. Sometimes, just talking through the feelings of overwhelm can bring relief. If you need specific support, don’t hesitate to ask for it—whether it’s help with meals, transportation, or even just someone to listen.

5. Focus on the Wins, No Matter How Small

When things feel overwhelming, it’s easy to fixate on what’s going wrong. Focusing on small wins, however, can create a positive shift in perspective and remind you that there are still good moments, even on the hardest days.

Create a Joy Folder: Start a “Joy Folder” on your phone or in a notebook where you capture small but meaningful moments with your kids. Whether it’s a smile, a successful day at school, or a kind gesture, these moments are worth celebrating. On challenging days, revisit this folder as a reminder of the good that exists alongside the hard.

6. Practice Grounding Techniques

When overwhelm feels physically and mentally overwhelming, grounding techniques can help you return to the present moment and calm your nervous system.

Try This Exercise: The “5-4-3-2-1” grounding exercise is a simple and effective way to center yourself. Look around the room and name:

• 5 things you can see,
• 4 things you can touch,
• 3 things you can hear,
• 2 things you can smell,
• 1 thing you can taste.

This exercise redirects your focus from racing thoughts to your senses, helping you feel more present and calm.

7. Remember the “Why” of Your Journey

When things feel especially heavy, reconnecting with the “why” behind your decision to foster or adopt can provide a sense of purpose and clarity. Reflect on the reasons that inspired you to embark on this journey and the impact you’re making on your child’s life.

Reflection Prompt: Set aside a few minutes to write down or think about the reasons you chose to foster or adopt. Consider the positive impact you’ve already had, no matter how small it may seem. Recalling your purpose can help rekindle your motivation and remind you that you’re making a difference, even if it doesn’t always feel like it.

8. Embrace the Power of Routine

On hard days, routines can offer a comforting sense of predictability and stability. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, lean into the routines that help you feel grounded—whether that’s a morning coffee ritual, a set bedtime routine, or even a daily walk.

How to Create or Lean on Routines: Identify one or two small routines that bring you comfort, and commit to them even on tough days. This structure can help counteract the chaos and offer you something familiar to hold onto.

9. Practice Radical Acceptance

Finally, some days will simply be harder than others, and that’s okay. Practicing radical acceptance means acknowledging reality without trying to change or resist it. On overwhelming days, accepting the hard moments as part of the journey can release some of the pressure you might feel to fix everything right away.

How to Practice: When you’re feeling overwhelmed, remind yourself, “This is where I am today, and that’s okay.” Allow yourself to experience the feelings without judgment or the need to control the outcome. Accepting these moments as temporary can ease your mind and bring a sense of peace.

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Final Thoughts: You’re Not Alone

Overwhelm is a natural part of foster and adoptive parenting, but with these tools, you can navigate even the hardest days with resilience and compassion. Remember, you’re not alone in this journey—there are other moms who understand what you’re going through and support you. On tough days, reach out, practice self-care, and embrace the small wins. You’re doing an incredible job, and your commitment to showing up each day makes a difference in your child’s life.

If you need more personalized support, consider joining grabbing my Foster Mama Essentials Bundle for guided resources, community support, and expert advice tailored to foster and adoptive moms like you. Remember, it’s okay to lean on others—you’re not in this alone.