Between managing the emotions of your kids, navigating family gatherings, and trying to create a joyful atmosphere, the holidays can feel overwhelming. I’ve been there, and I know how heavy it can feel to balance the joy of the season with the complexities of foster care or adoption.

The good news is that you don’t have to just survive the holidays—you can thrive. Here’s how.

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1. Acknowledge and Prepare for Big Feelings

The holidays can bring up a lot of emotions for everyone, but especially for kids in foster care or those who are adopted. They might be missing their biological families, remembering past holidays, or feeling unsure about how they fit into the celebrations. These emotions can surface as sadness, anger, or withdrawal.

What You Can Do:

• Open the Door to Communication: Create a safe space for your kids to share how they’re feeling. You might say, “The holidays can bring up all kinds of feelings, and it’s okay to feel whatever you’re feeling.”
• Validate Their Emotions: A simple, “I understand why this might feel hard,” can go a long way.
• Offer Alternatives: If traditional holiday activities feel triggering, try creating new traditions together that feel safe and special.

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2. Set Realistic Expectations

It’s tempting to want everything to be perfect during the holidays, but that kind of pressure can lead to stress and disappointment. Instead, aim for connection and joy, even if it doesn’t look picture-perfect.

What You Can Do:

• Simplify Your Plans: Focus on a few meaningful traditions instead of trying to do everything.
• Give Yourself Grace: Some days will be harder than others, and that’s okay.
• Embrace Flexibility: Be open to adjusting your plans based on how your kids are doing.

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3. Prepare for Family Gatherings

Family gatherings can be tricky when you’re a foster or adoptive mom. Relatives might not fully understand your family dynamic, or they might unintentionally say things that are hurtful or inappropriate.

What You Can Do:

• Educate Ahead of Time: Send a friendly email or text to close family members explaining any boundaries or needs your family has. For example, “We’d appreciate it if you could avoid asking the kids personal questions about their past.”
• Role-Play with Your Kids: Help them prepare for situations where they might feel uncomfortable or unsure.
• Have an Exit Plan: If things get overwhelming, it’s okay to leave early or take a break.

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4. Prioritize Connection Over Perfection

At the end of the day, what matters most is the time you spend together as a family. Your kids won’t remember if the tree was perfectly decorated or if the cookies were Pinterest-worthy. They’ll remember how loved and safe they felt.

What You Can Do:

• Focus on Togetherness: Play games, watch movies, or go for a walk together.
• Create Simple Rituals: Something as small as a nightly holiday story or lighting a candle can become a cherished tradition.
• Be Present: Put your phone down and soak in the moments with your family.

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5. Take Care of Yourself

You can’t pour from an empty cup. As foster or adoptive moms, we often put our needs last, but self-care is essential, especially during the holidays.

What You Can Do:

• Carve Out Quiet Time: Whether it’s a morning cup of coffee or a quick walk, find small ways to recharge.
• Lean on Your Support System: Reach out to friends, other foster/adoptive moms, or your community for encouragement.
• Say No When You Need To: It’s okay to skip events or activities that feel too overwhelming.

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6. Celebrate Your Unique Family

Your family’s journey is unlike anyone else’s, and your holiday celebrations can reflect that. Embrace what makes your family special, and don’t feel pressured to conform to traditional expectations.

What You Can Do:

• Blend Traditions: Incorporate traditions from your kids’ backgrounds or create new ones together.
• Make Space for Honoring Birth Families: If appropriate, include ways to honor your kids’ biological families during the holidays.
• Celebrate Small Wins: Every act of love and connection is worth celebrating.

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7. Be Prepared for the Unexpected

No matter how much you plan, the holidays can be unpredictable. Kids might have meltdowns, plans might change, and emotions might run high. That’s okay—it’s all part of the journey.

What You Can Do:

• Stay Grounded: When things go sideways, take a deep breath and remind yourself that you’re doing your best.
• Focus on What Matters: Let go of the small stuff and keep your eyes on the bigger picture of love and connection.
• Seek Support: If you’re feeling overwhelmed, don’t hesitate to reach out to a trusted friend, therapist, or community group.

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Final Thoughts

The holidays as a foster or adoptive mom can be a mix of joy and challenges, but with a little preparation and a lot of grace, you can create a season filled with love and connection. Remember, you’re not alone in this journey. There’s a community of moms just like you who are walking this path and cheering you on.

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P.S. If you’re looking for a practical tool to navigate the ups and downs of foster care during the holidays, check out my Free Holiday Planner. It’s packed with tips, resources, and strategies to help you thrive—during the entire holiday season. You can find it right here!