If you’re a foster parent who has ever found yourself in the waiting period before a judge’s decision on Termination of Parental Rights (TPR), you know what a uniquely difficult season it can be. The emotional intensity of this time is something that very few people talk about, but it deserves a spotlight—because it matters. You matter.

As a foster parent, you’re not just waiting for a legal decision. You’re holding space for a child who may or may not become a permanent part of your family. You’re balancing love with boundaries, hope with realism, and often—heartbreak with resilience. The weight of that is enormous.

So let’s unpack what this season really feels like, why it’s so complex, and how you can care for yourself (and your family) while you’re in it.

The Emotional Limbo No One Prepares You For

One of the hardest parts about waiting on a TPR decision is the limbo. It’s not “just” a delay—it’s a season of emotional ambiguity that can last for weeks, months, or even longer. During this time, you may:

• Feel guilty for wanting a decision that leads to adoption.

• Struggle with sadness or empathy for the child’s biological family.

• Wrestle with anxiety, knowing your family’s future could change with one court date.

• Avoid making plans or commitments because everything feels “on hold.”

This emotional limbo is exhausting. And unless someone has been through it, they may not understand why you can’t just “be patient.”

It’s Not Just Legal—It’s Deeply Personal

What makes the waiting so painful is that you already love this child. You’ve likely been parenting them for months, maybe even years. You’ve seen their bedtime routine, heard their nighttime fears, and held them through meltdowns. You’ve become their person.

And yet, you’re still not allowed to call yourself their forever. You might not even be allowed to talk about the future with them—because everything hinges on a judge’s ruling that is completely out of your control.

This isn’t just a legal delay. It’s a deep soul ache that lingers under the surface of everyday life.

The Silent Weight of “What If?”

For many foster parents, waiting on TPR means living with a daily background hum of “What if?”

• What if the judge rules in favor of reunification?

• What if the appeal process takes another year?

• What if we lose this child after all this time?

• What if we adopt, and they grow up resenting us?

These questions are valid. They’re normal. And they often go unspoken—because we’re afraid they make us look selfish, or weak, or ungrateful. But naming them is actually the first step toward finding peace.

How to Care for Yourself During the Waiting Season

So what do you do with all this? How do you survive—emotionally, spiritually, even physically—while you’re waiting for one of the biggest decisions of your life?

Here are a few practices that may help:

1. Name What You’re Feeling

Say it out loud. Write it down. Text a friend. Tell someone: “This is hard. This hurts. I’m scared. I feel stuck.”
There’s so much power in naming our emotions. It gives our bodies a signal that we are safe enough to feel them.

2. Stay in the Day

This sounds cliché, but it’s vital. When you’re waiting on TPR, your mind will want to live in 6-months-from-now land. But your heart and nervous system? They need you grounded in today.
What can you do right now to care for yourself, to connect with your child, or to nourish your own needs?

3. Regulate Your Nervous System

You cannot control the court, but you can help your body feel safer in the wait. Try these tools:

• Box breathing

• Walking outside without your phone

• Guided grounding meditations

• Talking to someone who understands foster care

You might consider joining a space like the Foster Mama Lifeline community, where trauma-informed support and regulation tools are available 24/7.

4. Protect Your Peace

This might mean stepping back from social media, limiting conversations with people who “don’t get it,” or creating space in your calendar to rest instead of “being productive.”
You are allowed to simplify. You are allowed to do less. This is survival mode, and that’s okay.

5. Honor the Dualities

You can want to adopt and still feel heartbroken for bio parents.
You can feel bonded and still unsure.
You can feel hopeful and anxious in the same breath.

The waiting season is full of emotional contradictions. Let them all be there. You don’t have to choose one feeling over another.

If You’re in This Right Now…

Friend, I see you.

This is not an easy road. It’s not a clean-cut journey. You are showing up in the most sacred way—by loving a child with your whole heart, even when the future is unclear.

And if you’re looking for a space to breathe, cry, or process this out loud, my support spaces are here for you:

• The Foster Mama Lifeline community offers weekly support calls, calming tools, and zero judgment.

• The Emergency Support Hotline is here when you need immediate help—via Voxer or Marco Polo.

• The First 30 Days Foster Parent Toolkit can help if you’re just beginning and feeling overwhelmed.

Final Thoughts

Waiting on a judge’s decision about TPR is one of the most vulnerable places a foster parent can be. But you don’t have to stay stuck in isolation while you wait.

You are allowed to seek support. You are allowed to rest. You are allowed to hope.

You’re doing holy work. Let’s make sure you’re supported in it.