If you’re a foster mom, chances are you’ve found yourself in emotionally charged, high-stakes moments more than once—moments where your child is melting down, or a visit doesn’t go as planned, or something triggers your own trauma. These are the moments when your nervous system goes into overdrive, and every part of you wants to react.

But here’s the truth: Regulation always comes before connection. And that means you must be grounded before you can effectively support your child.

In this post, I want to walk you through five trauma-informed grounding techniques specifically for foster moms navigating tough moments. These aren’t fluffy feel-good suggestions—they’re practical tools you can use when it feels like everything is spiraling out of control.

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Why Regulation Matters More Than the Perfect Response

When a child is dysregulated (read: overwhelmed, anxious, angry, fearful), they aren’t operating from the logical part of their brain. They’re stuck in fight, flight, or freeze—and often, so are we.

Trying to use logic, consequences, or calm explanations when you yourself are triggered often backfires. Why? Because your nervous system is in survival mode, too.

The goal in those moments isn’t to “fix” the behavior. It’s to ground yourself first so you can co-regulate with your child. Only then can connection—and eventually correction—happen.

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Grounding Technique #1: The 5-4-3-2-1 Method

This is a classic sensory-based strategy, and it works fast. Here’s how to do it:

• 5 things you can see
  Look around and name 5 things you see out loud. This pulls your focus out of your mind and into your environment.

• 4 things you can touch
  Notice the textures or sensations around you—your shirt, the chair, the floor beneath your feet.

• 3 things you can hear
  Tune in to ambient noises: birds, the hum of the fridge, a child’s voice.

• 2 things you can smell
  If you’re at home, grab a familiar scent (essential oil, candle, soap). If not, even noticing a neutral or faint smell is helpful.

• 1 thing you can taste
  This could be a mint, gum, or even just noticing the lingering taste in your mouth.

🧠 Why it works: This technique grounds you in the present moment and disrupts spiraling thoughts. It brings the brain out of panic and into observation mode.

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Grounding Technique #2: Cold Temperature Reset

Cold activates the vagus nerve and signals to your nervous system that you are not in danger.

Try one of the following:

• Hold an ice cube in your hand

• Splash cold water on your face

• Press a cold drink can to your neck or inner wrists

🧠 Why it works: Cold temperature helps reset your brain’s alarm system (the amygdala). It’s like a system reboot.

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Grounding Technique #3: Co-Regulation Through Breath

When your child is overwhelmed, they can’t regulate on their own—and honestly, neither can we.

Try this:

• Say out loud: “Let’s take three dragon breaths together.”

• Inhale through your nose for 4 counts, exhale through your mouth like a sigh (or a dragon roar for younger kids).

• Repeat 3 times. The goal isn’t perfection—just participation.

🧠 Why it works: Shared breathing not only calms your own body, but helps your child match your rhythm. It’s a powerful tool of nonverbal connection.

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Grounding Technique #4: Name the Feeling, Name the Need

When you’re spiraling, pause and ask yourself:

• “What am I feeling right now?”

• “What might I need?”

Say it out loud or write it down.

Example:

I’m feeling helpless because I can’t control this behavior. I might need to step into another room and breathe for 60 seconds.

You can even name your emotions like characters to create space (e.g. “This is Angry Mom showing up. I’m going to let her pass before I make any decisions.”)

🧠 Why it works: Naming an emotion moves activity from the fear center of your brain to the logical center. It gives you power to respond, not react.

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Grounding Technique #5: Anchor Statements

Prepare a few short statements you can say to yourself in the moment to shift your internal narrative.

Examples:

• “My calm is more powerful than their chaos.”

• “I can feel big feelings and still be a safe parent.”

• “This is hard, and I am doing my best.”

• “This moment is not forever.”

Even one anchor statement, repeated like a mantra, can regulate your nervous system and shift your perspective.

🧠 Why it works: These statements serve as a verbal anchor to tether you to truth when emotions are high. They retrain the brain and calm the body.

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What If None of These Work in the Moment?

Here’s the honest truth: Sometimes nothing works right away. You can do all the grounding in the world, and still feel like you’re barely holding on.

And that’s okay. That doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means your body is asking for support.

Here’s what I tell every foster mom I work with:

🌿 Regulation is a practice, not a perfection.

You don’t have to “nail it” every time. Just reaching for a tool—any tool—is a win. Every moment you try to come back to yourself is an act of courage.

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What to Do After the Moment Passes

Once the situation calms down:

• Reflect (without judgment): What helped? What didn’t?

• Share with a trusted support (therapist, group, partner)

• Refill your own cup. Self-regulation takes energy.

Don’t just move on—process the experience. That’s how you grow more resilient for the next time.

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A Final Word for the Foster Mom in the Thick of It

If you’re reading this with tired eyes and a heavy heart, please know: You’re not alone.

Every foster mom has moments she’s not proud of. Every one of us has snapped, cried, or felt like running away. What matters isn’t perfection—it’s returning.

Returning to your breath.
Returning to your values.
Returning to your child.

That is the work. That is the gift.

🌟 Ready for more support like this? My Fearless Fostering Program is open for enrollment now through June 30th. It’s a six-month group coaching experience for foster moms who want expert guidance, a trauma-informed approach, and a supportive community.

✨ Includes:

• Twice-monthly group calls

• Ongoing Marco Polo support

• A luxury retreat weekend (Oct 3–5!)

• A private group of like-minded mamas

👉 Apply now — spaces are limited and fill fast.