Foster care is a journey that many of us step into with open hearts and a determination to make a difference. But the truth is, it’s also a journey that can take everything you’ve got—and then ask for more.

I’ve seen it in my own life, and in the stories of so many foster and adoptive mamas I’ve supported: that thin line between just surviving the daily challenges and actually feeling like you’re thriving—like you’re living, not just coping.

If you’re reading this, maybe you’re feeling stuck in survival mode.
Maybe you’re wondering if it’s even possible to thrive in the middle of all the appointments, visits, paperwork, and heartbreak.
Maybe you’re feeling like “thriving” is for other people—people who have more help, more resources, or kids with fewer trauma triggers.

But here’s what I want you to know:
Thriving isn’t about having a perfect situation. It’s about how you take care of yourself, how you find meaning, and how you let yourself be supported.

Let’s unpack what this difference looks like—and how you can gently move toward thriving, even when the world around you feels like it’s spinning.

---

What Surviving Looks Like in Foster Care

Let’s start by naming what surviving actually looks like—because if you’re in it, you’re not alone.

Surviving feels like:

• Counting down the hours until bedtime, every single day

• Feeling like you’re constantly in crisis management mode—barely able to catch your breath

• Managing the behaviors, the phone calls, the trauma triggers—without a chance to even name how you’re feeling

• Putting yourself last on the list (if you’re on the list at all)

• Feeling like you’re supposed to be the calm one, the “good” one, the one who never loses it—while inside you’re screaming for a break

• Feeling guilty for wanting to quit, or even just wanting a moment of quiet

Here’s the truth:
Surviving is not a failure.
It’s a sign that you’re carrying too much, often with too little support.

---

What Thriving Looks Like in Foster Care

Thriving doesn’t mean you’re never tired or that you never feel lost.
It doesn’t mean your home is perfectly peaceful or your kids’ trauma disappears.
It simply means that in the middle of the mess, you’re finding ways to breathe, to feel connected, and to remember that your needs matter, too.

Thriving can look like:
✨ Letting yourself feel what you feel—without shame
✨ Taking small pockets of time for yourself, even if it’s just 5 minutes to breathe
✨ Having safe people who see you and remind you that you’re not alone
✨ Creating tiny daily rituals that remind your body it’s safe
✨ Learning to name what’s not yours to carry—and setting boundaries around that
✨ Letting go of perfection and choosing compassion for yourself
✨ Celebrating the small wins—because they matter, too

Thriving doesn’t erase the hard. It just means you’re building a life that’s bigger than the hard.

---

How to Move from Surviving to Thriving

If you’re in that place of “just getting by,” I want to offer some gentle, practical steps to help you begin to shift. These aren’t magic fixes—but they are ways to create small cracks of light in the heaviness.

---

1️⃣ Start by Naming What’s True

One of the biggest blocks to thriving is pretending everything is fine when it’s not.

When you say, “I’m okay,” but you’re not—you’re alone in that.
When you say, “I shouldn’t feel this way,” but you do—you’re shaming yourself into silence.

Try this instead:

• “Today, I’m feeling really overwhelmed. And that’s allowed.”

• “This is hard, and it doesn’t mean I’m failing.”

• “I’m doing the best I can with what I have.”

Naming what’s real doesn’t make it worse. It makes it lighter.

---

2️⃣ Create Tiny, Daily “Calm Moments”

If the idea of self-care feels impossible, start smaller.

Can you:
🌿 Sit outside for 2 minutes and feel the sun on your face?
🌿 Take 3 slow, deep breaths before you answer another question?
🌿 Listen to one song you love while you wash dishes?

These moments aren’t about changing your circumstances. They’re about reminding your nervous system: “I’m allowed to feel calm, too.”

---

3️⃣ Let Yourself Be Supported

I know how tempting it is to try to handle it all alone—especially when you’re used to being the strong one.

But thriving requires connection.
It’s having someone who will text you back, “You’re not crazy—this is a lot.”
It’s joining a group that understands the unique pain and beauty of this life.
It’s letting yourself ask for help, even if it feels vulnerable.

Whether that’s a friend, a therapist, or a community like my Fearless Fostering program, support isn’t a luxury—it’s a lifeline.

---

4️⃣ Build Boundaries—Without Guilt

Boundaries are how we protect our energy, our hearts, and our families.
In foster care, boundaries might look like:

• Saying no to extra obligations that don’t serve you

• Deciding which updates you share (and with whom)

• Taking a break from social media when the comparison gets loud

• Limiting conversations about foster care with people who just don’t get it

Boundaries aren’t about being mean.
They’re about being whole.

---

5️⃣ Celebrate the Small Wins

When you’re in survival mode, it’s easy to only see what’s going wrong.
But thriving grows in the small wins:

🌟 “I stayed calm during that meltdown.”
🌟 “I reached out for help instead of shutting down.”
🌟 “We laughed together, even if it was just for a minute.”

These moments matter. Let yourself notice them.

---

A Story from My Own Journey

I remember one day in particular, when I was deep in the trenches of survival mode.
A visit had gone sideways, my kiddo was melting down, and I felt like the worst mom in the world.
That night, I sat on the bathroom floor, too tired to even cry.

But then I remembered:
I have a choice. I can keep pushing through, or I can pause and breathe.
I took three deep breaths. I texted a friend who always knows what to say.
And for a few minutes, the weight didn’t feel so heavy.

That’s what thriving can look like.
Not perfect. Not polished.
Just choosing to care for yourself—even when everything feels like too much.

---

Thriving is a Practice, Not a Destination

If you take one thing from this, let it be this:
Thriving isn’t a place you arrive at—it’s something you practice, every day, in the smallest ways.

It’s in the breath you take before you respond to your child.
It’s in the pause you give yourself when your thoughts are racing.
It’s in the moment you let yourself be human—messy, imperfect, and worthy of compassion.

---

Ready for More Support?

If you’re ready to move from surviving to thriving—and you want to do it alongside a community of women who truly understand—my Fearless Fostering program might be exactly what you need.

🌿 Twice monthly group coaching calls to calm your nervous system and find real-life tools
🌿 Trauma-informed practices you can use every day
🌿 A luxury retreat weekend (October 3-5th!) to rest, reset, and reconnect with yourself
🌿 A safe community of mamas who will remind you: you’re not alone

Enrollment is open now—and we start in June.
👉 Learn more and apply here

Because thriving isn’t something you do alone.
It’s something we do together.

---

With so much love and belief in you,
Cathleen