If you’ve spent any time as a foster mama, you know how it feels to be swept up in the constant swirl of appointments, updates, emotions, and shifting plans. It can feel like the entire world is moving too fast — and like you’re the one who’s supposed to keep up with it all.

In these moments, the idea of “staying present” can feel impossible.
How do you stay rooted in the here and now when tomorrow’s plans could change in a phone call?
How do you find calm when your heart is breaking for a child you love, or when the system seems to be working against you?

If you’re reading this, I want you to know: you’re not alone.
And while staying present won’t fix everything, it will help you feel less like you’re drowning.

Let’s talk about what it means to stay present in the middle of the foster care storm — and how you can start, even if it feels like your world is spinning.

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Why Staying Present Feels So Hard

Let’s start here: it’s normal to feel like your brain is stuck in overdrive. Foster care is full of uncertainty — and our brains are wired to try to figure out what’s coming next.

You’re probably thinking about:

• How the next court date will go

• Whether or not you’re doing enough for the kids in your care

• If this placement will last

• How you’ll handle the next meltdown

• What everyone else might be thinking or expecting from you

All of that is real — and it’s a lot to carry.
When your mind is racing ahead or stuck in “what ifs,” it’s hard to notice the small moments of goodness that are happening right now.

But here’s the gentle truth:
The present moment is the only place where calm lives.
The only place where connection grows.
The only place where you can take a breath.

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What “Being Present” Actually Means

When I say “stay present,” I don’t mean ignoring the hard things or pretending everything is okay.

Being present doesn’t mean:

• You’re suddenly fine with the chaos

• You’re not allowed to plan or grieve

• You’re calm all the time

It means:
✨ You’re giving yourself permission to let this moment be what it is.
✨ You’re not trying to fix the past or control the future — just for right now.
✨ You’re noticing what’s here, without judgment.

It’s a practice. And it’s a lifeline.

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Why Presence Matters in Foster Care

You might wonder: “Does it really matter if I’m present? Isn’t it more important to do something?”

Here’s why it matters:
✅ Kids can feel when we’re checked out or distracted — and when we’re really with them
✅ Presence helps calm your own nervous system, which helps calm theirs
✅ When you’re present, you can actually enjoy the good moments, too
✅ It’s the antidote to burnout — because presence creates tiny pockets of rest

Being present doesn’t mean you’re ignoring the big stuff.
It means you’re giving yourself a chance to breathe — so you can keep showing up for the big stuff.

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How to Practice Staying Present — Even When It’s Hard

Here are some gentle, practical ways to stay rooted in the here and now, even on the hardest days.

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1️⃣ Name What’s Real

When your mind is racing, take a pause and name what’s real right in front of you.

Try saying out loud:

• “I’m feeling really overwhelmed right now.”

• “This moment is hard.”

• “I can’t fix everything — but I’m here.”

Naming it takes some of the weight out of it — and brings you back to this moment.

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2️⃣ Use Your Breath as an Anchor

Your breath is always with you.
When your thoughts are spinning, your breath can bring you back.

Try this simple practice:

• Inhale for 4 counts

• Hold for 4 counts

• Exhale for 6-8 counts

Do it 3 times. Feel your shoulders drop.
It’s not magic — but it’s a start.

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3️⃣ Focus on Your Senses

One of the fastest ways to get out of your head and back into your body is to use your senses.

Try this:
🌿 Look around — name 3 things you can see.
🌿 Feel your feet on the ground.
🌿 Notice one thing you can hear.

This grounds you in this moment, instead of being stuck in the “what ifs.”

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4️⃣ Find a Tiny Moment of Joy

In the middle of the mess, let yourself notice one small thing that’s good.

It might be:

• Your child’s giggle

• The way your coffee smells

• The softness of a blanket

You’re allowed to find small moments of joy, even when everything else is hard.
Joy doesn’t mean you don’t care. It means you’re still human.

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5️⃣ Create a Daily Pause

Choose one time of day — maybe right after drop-offs, or before bed — to pause for just 3 minutes.

Ask yourself:

• What’s one thing I’m feeling right now?

• What’s one thing I’m grateful for today?

This doesn’t erase the chaos — but it builds a habit of presence.

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6️⃣ Let Go of “Shoulds”

One of the biggest blocks to being present is the weight of all the “shoulds.”

“I should be able to handle this better.”
“I should be more patient.”
“I should have known what to do.”

What if, just for today, you let those “shoulds” go?
What if you let yourself be enough, exactly as you are?

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7️⃣ Let Yourself Be Supported

Presence grows in safe spaces.
When you’re held and heard, it’s easier to let yourself just be.

That’s why community matters — whether it’s a trusted friend, a support group, or a program like Fearless Fostering.
You don’t have to practice presence alone. You deserve to be supported, too.

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What Presence Has Looked Like for Me

I’ll be honest — presence isn’t always easy for me.
There are still days when my mind is a hamster wheel of worry and I forget to pause.

But some of my most powerful moments as a foster mama have come from choosing to be here, even when it’s messy.

Like the day my daughter melted down after a hard visit. My first instinct was to jump in and fix it — but I stopped, sat on the floor, and just breathed with her.

Or the times I let myself cry in the shower — because that was the only place I could be present with my own grief.

These small choices don’t erase the hard.
But they do make it easier to keep going.

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Presence Isn’t Perfection

If you take one thing from this, let it be this:
Presence isn’t about doing it perfectly.

It’s about taking one breath.
One pause.
One moment of noticing: “I’m here. I’m enough. This moment matters.”

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Want to Practice Presence with Me?

If you’re craving more than just survival — if you want to feel seen and supported as you navigate foster care’s storms — I’d love to invite you to my Fearless Fostering program.

Inside, you’ll find:
🌟 2 monthly group coaching calls to practice calm and clarity
🌟 Trauma-informed tools to anchor you, no matter how big the storm
🌟 A luxury retreat weekend (October 3-5th) to rest and reconnect with yourself
🌟 A community of women who will remind you: you’re not alone

Enrollment is open now, and we start in June.
👉 Click here to learn more and apply

You deserve to be here. You deserve to feel safe, seen, and supported.
Presence is possible — and you don’t have to find it alone.

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With so much love and belief in you,
Cathleen