Three years ago, we finalized our daughter’s adoption and officially closed our foster care license. Three years of birthday parties, bedtime stories, first days of school, and watching her bloom into the incredible young woman she’s becoming. Three years of people asking me, “So, are you done with foster care now?”

And my answer is always the same: No. I’m never going to be “done” with foster care.

The Question That Won’t Go Away

If you’ve fostered or adopted, you know the question. It comes from well-meaning friends at church, curious coworkers, and even family members who watched you navigate the rollercoaster of foster care. They see your family as “complete” now. They assume that adoption was the goal all along, and now that you’ve achieved it, surely you can close that chapter and move on.

But here’s what they don’t understand: Foster care isn’t just something you do. It becomes part of who you are.

Why “Being Done” Isn’t That Simple

When I look at my daughter—really look at her—I don’t just see the confident teenager she’s becoming. I see the scared little girl who came to us three years ago, carrying trauma no child should bear. I see the hundreds of thousands of children still in the system, still waiting, still hoping for someone to say yes to loving them through their hardest days.

How can I be “done” when there are still children sleeping in social services offices because there aren’t enough homes?

How can I be “done” when I know firsthand that saying yes to one child changed not just their life, but ours in ways we never imagined?

How can I be “done” when God has equipped us with knowledge, experience, and a heart that breaks for these kids?

The Ministry That Never Ends

Like most people, I dreamed of a stereotypical “normal” family life. I wanted as little hardship as possible for myself and my family. I imagined predictable bedtimes, peaceful mornings, and the kind of challenges that parenting books actually prepare you for.

God had other plans. He brought the mission field to me in the form of children who needed safety, love, and someone to fight for them. What started as a desire to help turned into a complete transformation of what “normal” even means to our family.

What I’ve learned is that foster care advocacy isn’t a season—it’s a lifelong calling. Even with our home officially “closed,” the ministry continues in different ways:

We advocate. Every time someone asks about our adoption story, it’s an opportunity to share the reality of foster care. Not the Hollywood version, but the real one—the one where love is messy and beautiful and worth it.

We support. Those currently in the trenches need encouragement. They need someone who gets it when they talk about court dates and visitations and behavioral challenges that would make most parents run for the hills. We can be that safe space because we’ve been there.

We educate. So many families would say yes if they just understood what foster care really looks like. It’s not about being a perfect parent. It’s about being a present one. It’s not about having all the answers. It’s about being willing to figure it out as you go.

We normalize. Foster care shouldn’t be seen as something only “super parents” do. It’s something ordinary people do when they decide that their fear of the unknown is less important than a child’s need for safety and love.

Getting “Too Attached” Is the Point

One of the biggest fears I hear from people considering foster care is, “But what if I get too attached?”

Friends, getting attached is the entire point.

These children have experienced more loss than most of us can imagine. They need someone who will attach to them fiercely, love them fully, and show them that not every adult in their life will leave. Yes, it might break your heart. Yes, saying goodbye (if reunification happens) will be one of the hardest things you ever do. But that child will carry your love with them forever.

Our daughter needed us to get “too attached.” She needed to know that our love wasn’t conditional on court outcomes or good behavior or whether she was placed with us temporarily or permanently. She needed us to love her like she was ours from day one—because in every way that mattered, she was.

The Ripple Effect of Saying Yes

When we said yes to fostering, we thought we were just opening our home. What we actually did was start a ripple effect that continues to spread:

• Our biological children learned that family isn’t just about blood—it’s about choosing to love.
• Our church community rallied around us, providing meals, respite, and prayer support.
• Friends who “could never do foster care” started asking questions and reconsidering.
• Other foster families found us and formed a support network that sustains us all.
• Our daughter’s story of hope and healing inspires others to believe in redemption.

These ripples don’t stop just because we’re no longer actively fostering. If anything, they grow stronger as we now have the capacity to pour into others who are just beginning their journey.

Being the Change We Want to See

The foster care system is broken in many ways. We can sit back and complain about it, or we can be part of the solution. For us, being “done” would mean accepting the status quo. It would mean turning away from a crisis that continues to affect hundreds of thousands of children.

Instead, we choose to stay engaged. We choose to be the change. That looks different in this season—less court dates and caseworker visits, more mentoring and advocating. But the heart remains the same: Every child deserves a safe, loving family.

A Call to the Fearless

If you’re reading this and feel that tug on your heart—that whisper that maybe, just maybe, you could do this—please don’t ignore it. The fear you feel is normal. The questions you have are valid. But don’t let them stop you from exploring what God might be calling you to do.

You don’t have to be perfect. You don’t have to have it all figured out. You just have to be willing.

And if you’re a fellow foster or adoptive parent feeling isolated in your journey, know this: You’re not alone. Those of us who have walked this path understand the unique challenges you face. We get the trauma behaviors, the complicated feelings about birth families, the grief that comes with loving children from hard places. Reach out. Connect. Let us support you the way others supported us.

The Forever Yes

Three years post-adoption, I’m more passionate than ever about foster care. Not because it was easy—it was the hardest thing we’ve ever done. Not because it was convenient—it turned our lives upside down. But because it matters. Because children matter. Because families matter.

So no, I’m never going to be “done” with foster care. This isn’t a phase or a project to complete. This is a forever yes to being available for whatever role God calls us to play in caring for vulnerable children.

Whether that’s opening our home again someday, supporting other foster families, advocating for policy change, or simply sharing our story to inspire one more family to say yes—we’re in this for the long haul.

Because every child deserves to know they’re worth getting “too attached” to. Every child deserves someone who refuses to be “done” fighting for them. Every child deserves a chance at a forever family.

And until that’s a reality for every waiting child, how can any of us truly be “done”?

---

If you’re considering foster care or adoption, or if you’re in the thick of it and need support, I’d love to connect. Follow along @fearless_fostering for real stories, practical resources, and a community that gets it.

And if you’re ready to move from isolation to community in your foster care journey, the December cohort of Fearless Fostering is now enrolling.

This is where foster mamas find their people. Where the 2am doubts turn into 2pm breakthroughs. Where “I can’t do this anymore” becomes “I can’t imagine doing this without you all.”

Inside Fearless Fostering, you’ll get:

• Twice-monthly live calls where we workshop YOUR specific challenges (not generic advice)
• A small, intimate cohort that becomes your ride-or-die support system
• My complete resource library (yes, including that court documentation template everyone’s been asking about)
• An all-inclusive luxury retreat in April where YOU get taken care of for once
• Lifetime access to our Marco Polo community because this journey doesn’t end after 6 months

Plus, if you’re already in my Foster Mama Lifeline community, you get $400 OFF.

We start this Sunday, December 8th. This cohort is intentionally small because transformation happens in intimate spaces, not massive groups.

[Apply for the December Fearless Fostering Cohort Here →]