In foster care, we don’t know what we don’t know…but when we know better, we can do better.
Today I’m sharing four things I wish I would have done differently from the get-go, but now I will preach these all day, errrry day to the foster mamas I serve!
Let me know which one resonates most for you!
Foster Care Mistake #1: Taking on your kids’ emotions
In any household, it’s easy for one person’s emotions to have a domino effect on the whole family. Instead of reacting to your kids’ difficult emotions, RESPOND by asking yourself “What can I do to make the household feel how I would like it to?” Maybe you play calm music or diffuse lavender oil, or speak softly…keep trying until you find what works!
Foster Care Mistake #2: Not doing your own work
As a therapist , I may be a bit biased, but I truly believe EVERYONE could benefit from at least a few sessions with a therapist. No matter how “happy” a childhood we may have had, we were all still subject to certain wounding in our life and it’s important to make sense of them and how they affected us. The more secure our own attachment style, the more we can model security for the kids in our care.
Foster Care Mistake #3: Not having foster mom friends
Empathy is a necessity when you are doing something as difficult as fostering. You may be able to muddle through for a while without support from other foster mamas, but you’ll never regret the level of deep support you can find in community with moms who truly understand your family’s journey.
Foster Care Mistake #4: Feeling like you have to “solve” every problem for the kids in your care
While it’s natural to want to help and support our children as much as we can, the pressure to do and be everything to them is unnecessary and unhelpful. Continue to build and lean on a diverse support network so both your children AND you have an army of people to troubleshoot with should problems arise.
If you’re looking for more support on your foster care journey, feel free to reach out to me! I have just started offering an initial consultation (for a drastically reduced fee) to be able to provide guidance and support to as many foster mamas as possible!