Breaking the Silence: The Importance of Seeking Support on Your Foster Care Journey

September 4, 2023

  Foster mamas are known for their unwavering dedication to the children in their care, but there’s a concerning trend that often goes unnoticed—the reluctance to seek or accept help. In this blog post, we’ll explore why many foster mamas choose to muddle through on their own, the detrimental effects it can have on their […]

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Foster mamas are known for their unwavering dedication to the children in their care, but there’s a concerning trend that often goes unnoticed—the reluctance to seek or accept help. In this blog post, we’ll explore why many foster mamas choose to muddle through on their own, the detrimental effects it can have on their well-being, and why reaching out for support is not a sign of weakness but a courageous step toward a healthier, happier journey for both mama and child.

The “Muddling Through” Mentality

Foster mamas face unique challenges, from navigating complex legal systems to providing emotional support for children who have experienced trauma. Often, foster mamas find themselves in a state of perpetual hypervigilance and chronic stress. It’s a state where sleepless nights and endless worry become the “new normal.”

Why do they choose to muddle through? Many reasons contribute to this mentality:

  1. Independence: Foster mamas are strong, capable individuals. They’ve weathered storms before and believe they can handle whatever comes their way.
  2. Fear of Judgment: There’s a fear that seeking help might be seen as incompetence or an inability to handle the responsibilities of foster care.
  3. Lack of Resources: In some areas, resources and support for foster families may be limited or difficult to access, leading mamas to feel they have no choice but to go it alone.
  4. Perceived Stoicism: Society often applauds self-sacrifice and stoicism, leading foster mamas to believe that seeking help is a sign of weakness.
  5. Child’s Well-Being: Foster mamas prioritize the children’s well-being above all else, often at the expense of their own needs.


The Silent Toll on Mental and Physical Health

While foster mamas’ resilience is commendable, the “muddling through” mentality can take a silent toll on their mental and physical health:

  1. Chronic Stress: Living in a state of constant stress can lead to burnout, anxiety, and depression.
  2. Physical Health: Neglecting self-care can result in physical health issues, such as sleep disturbances, weight fluctuations, and weakened immune systems.
  3. Relationship Strain: The strain of constant stress can affect relationships, both with partners and biological children.
  4. Quality of Life: The “new normal” of chronic stress can diminish the quality of life for foster mamas, leading to a sense of isolation and despair.


The Courage to Seek Support

It’s crucial for foster mamas to realize that seeking support is not a sign of weakness but an act of courage and self-compassion. Here’s why:

  1. Improved Well-Being: Seeking help can lead to reduced stress, better mental health, and an improved quality of life. A healthier mama is better equipped to provide stable and loving care.
  2. Child’s Well-Being: Children in foster care benefit immensely from caregivers who are emotionally and physically well. By prioritizing self-care, mamas can better support the kids in their care.
  3. Community and Connection: Connecting with support groups or seeking therapy can provide foster mamas with a sense of community, understanding, and a safe space to share experiences.
  4. Advocacy: Seeking support can also empower foster mamas to advocate for better resources and support systems in their communities.


Foster mamas, you are amazing, and your selflessness is undeniable. But remember, you need support too. It’s time to break the silence, shed the “muddling through” mentality, and embrace the courage to seek help. Your well-being matters, not just for your sake, but for the precious lives you nurture. Together, we can create a foster care journey filled with strength, resilience, and well-deserved support.

And speaking of support, if you’re ready to embark on a transformative journey of self-care, education, and connection, don’t miss out on our Fearless Fostering Group Coaching program enrolling for October. This 6-week program is designed to introduce you to your foster mama besties via Marco Polo and weekly group sessions via Zoom. Led by me, we’ll navigate self-care exercises, delve into topics from parenting kids from hard places to attachment theory, and explore our own inner child work as foster mamas.

Hurry, there are only 5 spots available this round, and they’re first come, first serve! Secure your spot today at and embark on a journey of growth, healing, and connection like never before. Imagine never feeling alone or misunderstood on your foster care journey again – and having access to a 24/7 support group AND foster care informed therapist to guide you through whatever foster care throws your way! That’s the promise and the gift of my Fearless Fostering group coaching program – hope to see you there!

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I'm Cathleen, your new (foster) mom friend.

I'm also a psychotherapist in private practice who wants to teach my fellow foster mamas the skills that ACTUALLY work to overcome stress, anxiety and overwhelm...'cause ain't nobody got time for that!

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